Adopted - Part 15 - Getting to Know My Bio Father's Family

This past few weeks have been a sort of roller coaster of emotions and feelings. If you are adopted and are "in reunion" as the term goes, you will know exactly what I mean.  I am grappling with the feelings of excitement and astonishment about how much my bio father's family is accepting me.  They all seem as excited as me that I have appeared and want to find out about me as much as I want to find out about them. 

 On the other hand, I have discovered that (as I have mused before) I have really hurt my Mom.  She is still grieving the passing of my Daddy.  It has only been a year.  I have completely quit sharing things with her, even though I have always told her everything, even with the objection of other close family and friends. I haven't even shared with her the picture that I have of my birth parents being together, the one I shared here in the last post. 

I am also dealing with my husband's disinterest. I won't go into his story, but he has never been very close to his birth family and just doesn't get my excitement or my needing to find my roots and what my bio family is like. Consequently, I have just shared some basic information with him.  

I feel that I am overwhelmingly lucky to have a bio family that is excited to hear and see all of my discoveries.  Such as this picture of myself at about 17 and one of my bio father's nieces at about the same age.  

Don't know about you, but we can sure see the resemblance!   

I want to try and explain to those of you reading this that may not be adopted.  I have found a passage in a book I have been reading that explains MY view on my search for answers.  This is a perfect way to say it, in my humble opinion!

Again, I want to say, that this is my feeling exactly.  It does certainly baffle me that people dont understand the need for adoptees to know their biological relatives.  It truly has nothing to do with feeling any lack of love or lack of needing ANYTHING within my adoptive family! Maybe I am in the minority, but with the location of this passage in the book, Almost Home a memoir by Hilary Harper, I think that maybe I am not. 

Getting back to my title, I am for real getting to know my bio relatives.  Several of them have been sending pictures of my birth father, Russ, as well as pictures of many of my uncles, aunts, and cousins. In fact, there are so many, that I am having trouble even remembering who belongs to who!  Having great-grandparents that had two brothers who married two sisters, gives their kids all as double cousins.  On top of that, one of my great-uncles who was the son of one of the daughters of those two families, married another woman with the same last name who was also a distant relative.  That leads to even more and more cousins and once removed etc etc.  I think I went over earlier in this blog where in Ancestry it shows over 1000 4th cousins and closer!  I come from a family of three uncles, three aunts and 8 cousins, so can you see where this is completely overwhelming for me!!???  

One of my uncles and I have been exchanging Marco Polo's with each other.  This is quite helpful in getting to know the person that is so much more personal than just typing on a computer.  His wife has also participated with this even showing a Marco Polo of a family gathering this past weekend.  It is fun to try and sort out who is who from pictures.  Then I need to figure out relationships as to who belongs to who!  I am pretty sure I will have all this down some day. Yes, someday!  

Adopted War Babe - Part 14

Well, I haven't written in a while.  I learned that my Mom was extremely upset over my blog.  We lost my Dad just exactly one year ago, and I know that she is grieving over him after being married 70+years.  I had been letting her read my blog, which, in hind-site, was a bad decision.  She just doesn't understand my need for finding my heritage, learning all about my birth family.  I guess that she is afraid that she has lost me to them?  I am not sure, but it isn't the case at ALL.  I had an awesome upbringing and my parents support me and have supported me both emotionally and monetarily any time I have needed it. I read about many adopted people who had a questionable upbringing, a lack of bonding with their adoptive family.  I NEVER had any of that at all.  I am completely and totally bonded with my adoptive family and always will be.  I can't seem to say that enough to her.  She keeps saying that she is glad my dad has passed so that he doesn't have to hurt like she does!  That totally hurts me that she thinks that way.  I have always confided in her, to my determinant in many ways, but I always have. I have decided to NOT share any more of my blog with her or in any places where she can read it, like on my general Facebook page.  I am only sharing my blog with some of the sites I have been working with, such as DNA Detectives, DD Social, and the adoption sites that I belong to.

That being said, I received the BEST thing today!  I woke up this morning to Daylight Savings Day and a message from the step-daughter of my suspected birth father, Russell Tackett.  She had gone to her mom's place (who was Russell's second wife) and they had found a picture that Russ had kept.  Here is the picture.

If you look closely, you will see the word Russ across his chest, and the word Lis under her chin.  Her name was Elisabeth, but she went by Liz or Lis.  I found my birth father through DNA testing just recently, but this pretty much assures that it was him.  This picture was taken when he was stationed in Germany.  He had sent home pictures from his deployment to his mom.  I think this might have been one he sent to her, not sure.  If you have read my blog, you will know that after he found out she was pregnant, he was deployed back to the states.  His story he only apparently told one person.  He said that she refused to come with him.  Her story is different.  She told my adoptive parents that he said he would send for her and he never did.  She told ME that he had offered her some money to take care of it. (I am thinking now that maybe instead of abortion it may have been to help take care of her expenses)  Whichever story it is, they never saw each other again.  

When I received this photo, I didn't notice that it said Lis on her picture.  So I put the only picture I have of her when she was young (about 16 here) next to the picture of them to be sure it was the same person.  What do you think?  I think for sure it must be her.  Too many things that look alike and then there is the name too.  

I feel incredibly blessed and so very lucky to be one of the few adopted people that actually has a picture of my birth parents together!   I just can't explain to those of you who are NOT adopted what that means, but it is so COOL!  If you are adopted, then you may know or hope to know what that feels like. 

I also received another picture of him by himself sent by his step daughter.  I feel like DAMN, he was so handsome!!  but my adopted Daddy was so handsome as well!  What a lucky girl I am!!

This is Russ

This was my adopted Daddy.  :)