War Babe Adoption Journey - Part 19

Wow, I have not written in quite a while.  I guess that is because I am sort of in a holding pattern, or I feel like I am.  I have been looking forward to going to Kentucky with my daughter to meet my paternal relatives, and here it is two weeks away!  I have spent the time thinking of what to wear, what to take what to say... etc.  I have also tried to spend time getting to know some of the folks by texting with them on line. Strange thing is, I have never spoken with any of them on the phone!  I have heard my Uncle Rick talk on Marco Polo, but we haven't even used that in quite a while.  

I am still running interference with my adoptive mom as she is upset over my "sudden" interest in all of my adoption stuff.  I put that in quotes because it is definitely NOT sudden.  It is something that I have wondered and questioned most of my adult life within myself.  Today, one of my sister-in-laws said, "I hope you find what you are searching for."  I don't feel that I am actually searching any longer.  Once I found out who my birth father was, I feel that my search is over.  What I AM doing, is wanting to have that thing that most folks take for granted who are NOT adopted.  "I have Aunt Sallie's nose", or "You sure do have your Dad's smile".  Things like that. I also want to find out about my bio genes.  I want to know what my BF was like.  Am I like him?  The old hereditary vs environment thing that has fascinated me all my life. 

The other exciting thing that has happened is that I have finally gotten my birth father's service record!  Before, when I was writing to the National Personnel Records Center, I was trying to find a Tackett that was in Germany at the time I was conceived, as that would have pinpointed who my father was.  Once I found him through DNA though, I wrote off to get his records.  The fascinating thing about this is that there was a fire in 1973 that destroyed almost 80% of the military records for men who were discharged from the military between 1912 and 1960!!!   I am so lucky that I am able to see part of my BF records!  Below is an example of the 7 pages that were sent to me. 

How cool is THAT!!!???!!  
In showing these to my uncle and my brother, they were really surprised, because now I know more than them because no one really knew much about his service in the Army. 
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War Babe Adoption Journey - Part 18

I haven't written in a while.  I guess because there hasn't been any new developments in my story.  I continue to talk to my Uncles, Don and Rick, as well as my brother, Tim, and several cousins.  I am enjoying getting to know them but really won't feel like I know them until I am actually there talking to them.  You that are adopted will understand that. I need to look into faces and see resemblances.  I need to be around them and see if I might have some nuances in my actions that they have as well.  I need to see if we have unusual interests the same.  It is just a THING with us adoptees.  People who aren't adopted don't really understand that.  They have always had "Aunt Sally's nose," or "Uncle Joe's feet", or even "Cousin Bill's way of wrinkling their noses when they laugh."  I have never had that.  My daughter has many of my physical characteristics and nuances, but that just isn't the same thing. I know where SHE got those, but I don't know where I got them from.  As I said after I met my cousin, I was thrilled when he said I looked like his Uncle Russ (my birth father) in the eyes.  

I still haven't purchased my plane tickets to go to Kentucky yet.  I am planning to go in August and take my daughter with me.  She and I need to have some girl time as well as meet our blood relatives!

My daughter, Stephenie above and my picture below.  

War Babe - Adoption story continued - part 17

It is Friday the 13th of April.  On Wednesday, I received a text from my bio-Uncle Rick to say that his son would be here in San Antonio on Wednesday afternoon until Friday morning.  I have not met any of my bio father's family, and as I have said, all have welcomed me with more than open arms, still a bit overwhelming. 

 So Rick gave his son, Gary, my phone number and Gary contacted me when he arrived in SA.  We decided to meet up on Thursday.  I got a text yesterday (Thursday, April 12th) to meet them for lunch.  He had come here to pick up his son from basic training that was done here at Ft Sam Houston.  

I drove up and Gary was waiting on the curb of the restaurant for me!  I met him, his wife, his little girl, his son and his son's girlfriend!  After we sat down we started talking and kept talking until it was time to go.  It was family day for his son and he had planned to spend the afternoon with him, and also letting his daughter swim in the hotel pool.  

I felt so excited and happy to meet my first cousin!  His dad has been the person I have talked most with mostly on Facebook Messenger. The most giddy I felt was when he said that I reminded him of his Uncle Russ (my birth father), especially around the eyes!  If you arent adopted, you may say, "I don't know what is so exciting about that!"  But believe me, I was thrilled beyond belief to hear that.  

I feel that we still have so much to say to each other, he has many memories of his Uncle Russ, as he was his favorite relative.  I want to tell the whole family my story and I want to hear theirs.  The one thing I really regret, is that I didn't take any pictures!  I so wanted a picture of Gary and I together!!  Well, hopefully, I can get those pictures this summer.  So here is a picture of him that I had.  Isn't he just the cutest!???  

We are still sort of planning a trip to Kentucky in August, however, two things have occurred in the last couple weeks.  First we had to pay way more IRS taxes than we thought and may not have the money to make the trip. Second, my husband is encouraging me to go alone.  He wants to meet them, but doesn't really have interest in sitting around listening to us just talking away  I also am dying to go fishing with them and my husband isn't even interested in that!  So it looks like I may be going alone, flying up there and staying with some of my birth family.  That way we would not need as much money.  Although, it is sad to go way up there and NOT attend the Bristol race which occurs Aug 18th.  I guess we can plan another trip up there next summer and attend that race then, God willing!  

Adopted War Babe - part 9

I have lots of emotions running through my head today.  I feel so grateful for my life and how I was brought up.  Not that it would have been better or worse if I had not been adopted, it just would have been different. I think my parents tried to bring me up to be refined. Not uppity, or spoiled, but I have toured Europe, seen castles, eaten at fine restaurants, and taught the right silverware, glasses and wines to go with a meal (not that I use any of that, I am much more of a simple person!!  Paper plates and plastic silverware and glasses are fine by me!!)  We were not rich, not by any means, but my parents were just so frugal and sensible with everything. Neither of them finished college but both had some college. I guess being a military family, there was just a right way to do everything. From setting a table, to keeping things neat and clean around the house.

My birth mother was from a local farm around the Army base.  She had to quit school in the seventh grade in order to work on the farm because her father and brothers had gone off to war and all the women had to take over on the farm. If she had kept me, and stayed in Germany, would I have been brought up on her farm?  I don't know since she ended up with another child just two years later and kept him, my half brother, Art (Bob to his family), and then she married her youngest child's father, Russ, five years later, and moved to the United States.

Which brings up another point in my mind. She married a man named Russell, Russ to his family.  My birth father's name (well, my suspected birth father at this point) was also Russell, known as Russ to his family as well.  She told me, and apparently her family after I barged into her life, that she could not remember his name.  I am so sure she would have remembered his name if it had been the same as her husband!  Am I right?  So, either she didn't want me to find him (which looks like the truth regardless) or it isn't this suspected Russ after all.

Which brings me to my birth father's family. I am so very overwhelmed at the multiple responses I have gotten from the family so far!  It is a bit surreal and at times, well, overwhelming seems to be the word of the day.  I have video chatted with an uncle, (use Marco Polo... it is AWESOME!!

and messaged daily with at least three first cousins and a half-brother at this point!  All are excited and hoping that I am Russ's daughter.  I have even connected with other various 3rd, 4th etc cousins since then as well.  I KNOW that all adoption stories do not turn out this way, but mine seems to be. As I have said, we are waiting on the Ancestry test of the suspected half-brother at this point to prove our suspicions.  We are all so sure it will prove to be true.  However, I guess I try to not have expectations.  I have learned the hard way in my life, that expectations are only premeditated resentments.  That's become my motto. I can hope for things, plan for things in case, but I have learned to NOT expect things to go a certain way, or for a person to act a certain way.  It just isn't worth it if something or something disappoints you. Maybe that is why I am so easy going, because when things happen I just deal with them as they are, not as I would like for them to be.  Makes sense to me anyway.

If I had been brought to the states with my suspected birth father, Russ, things, I am learning, would have been quite different for me.  Like I said, not better or worse, just different.  I would have more than likely been brought up in some very small towns where everyone knew everyone.  I would have had a huge extended family, which by the way is awesome!  I would have been in a family that liked jokes and lots of laughter, which was quite a bit different for me, since I was an only child and often told I was too easily amused!  (I guess I laughed at times they thought were inappropriate?, not sure)
We always had to travel either across the ocean or across the country to see the few relatives that I did grow up with (Mom had one sister, and Dad had one sister and one brother). Where as if I had been with the birth family, there would be so many cousins and aunts and uncles, and you only had to walk to someone's house to see them for the most part!

Again, I am not saying one is better or worse than the other, just different.  I love my life as it is, and sometimes, I think I have a good story to tell!

Adopted War Babe - Part 5

After the wedding, Laura and I stayed a couple more days and toured the Columbia River Gorge and part of Washington state. SO BEAUTIFUL THERE!  We left in good spirits with thoughts of maybe having a relationship with my brothers at least.  Possibly my birth mother if she could get over being upset with me. She was so afraid that her family would be upset with her, but by my view, they were not at all.  I sent her an Easter card and a plant in 2007.  She sent me a letter . Here is the letter. You can tell she is still upset with me. (even addressing me as Pat)

She was still angry and held it against me.  I wondered why she just couldn't accept me. What is ONE MORE PERSON IN YOUR LIFE WHO LOVES YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE BLOOD?  I didn't need a Mom, I had told her that. She said that everyone had stopped talking to her.  I guess she meant Bob, and Pat. Me going to the wedding really upset the family, but now it had already been done. Once something has been done and over with, you just need to move on and try and live your life as you should.  I just would have liked to know her, to see if I was anything like her.  You know, environment vs heredity the old debate.  I didn't know anything much more about her or her family (my family) than I did before I found her.

    Fast forward a couple of months.  I had spoken to Art and his wife Pat a few times over the phone.  It seemed that I had caused one HELL of an issue with the family!  Art and his mom, as well as Pat and her mother-in-law just didnt see eye to eye at all. Pat and Art kept trying to get her to accept me but she was so very mad that they had invited me to the wedding that there became a huge rift between them.  And, because of the closeness of Russ to his mom, there was a huge rift between Russ and his brother as well.  In discussing this with Art, he told me that he had never gone back to visit with his mom anyway, after she told him that his birth father's name etc was none of his business.  He just took off and never felt the need to go back, even to visit.  I continued, and still continue, to receive a Christmas letter from Karen (only from her). Usually with pictures of their girls, they now had three.
     I am not sure when exactly it happened, but the calls stopped coming from Art and all letters were returned to me.  The phone number I had had been disconnected. In the Christmas letter, Karen said that they had lost touch with Art and Pat and no one had heard from him.  This continued on for several years.  The girls grew into beautiful young ladies, and time marched on.
    In about 2013-2014, I learned from Karen's Christmas letter that Liz had Alzheimers and they were going to put her into a facility.  Gradually she began to not even recognize them. This does concern me and every time I forget something I think, DANG will I get this Alzheimer's?  sigh.. I guess we will just have to see, won't we?  As of Christmas 2015, she was in bad shape I was told. But now I can fill out those questionnaires and say that I have Alzheimer's in my family.

    A week or so into January of 2016, I received a letter from Karen with an obituary and a leaflet from the service of my birth mother. She had passed away.  I truly didn't know how to feel. I was sad for the family, as anyone would be for the family of someone who passed, but how did I feel about HER passing?  I just couldn't put a finger on my feelings.  To this day, I am still not sure. But I do believe that in living with God, she now no longer has to live with the terrible guilt I felt that must have led her whole life. The guilt of having three children out of wedlock when it was looked on as so bad by her family.  Maybe even the guilt of giving me up.  Is that just my own soul trying to sooth the abandoned feeling I might have had?  I don't know.  I never really felt abandoned.  I was so lucky to be so loved and cherished in the family that chose me, maybe that is why abandonment wasn't an issue, or at least one that didn't seem to bother me much.

   I started thinking that Art must not know that his mother was gone.  It really bothered me that he didn't know.  So, in true Pam fashion, I stuck my nose into the internet to try and find my brother again.  I googled and searched and looked for days.  Finally, I decided to pay one of these "we can find anyone" web sites where you have to pay for information. BINGO!!  I got a list of his and Pat's addresses for the past, well for his past whole life!  I immediately unsubscribed from the web site and it only cost me about $20.00 to find his address and phone number.  Pretty good I thought. He and Pat had CERTAINLY moved around a lot!  Not sure what that was about.
     I called and Art answered.  He was quite surprised to hear from me, I think it must have been about 15 years since anyone knew where he was, not sure of the amount of years. but that is close. I asked him if he was sitting down and I told him about his mom.  He was very quiet.  Then he thanked me and thanked me. We talked a bit about him moving around, he said that Pat just likes to keep moving!!  haha  Wanderlust I guess.  But not far, as they were in Washington state. Art was a cook in the Navy and a darn good pastry chef. (he had made his own wedding cake and decorated it!)  So he really didn't have much trouble as a vet with good cooking skills.  Pat had had a stroke and Lymphoma and was in a wheelchair and on SSDI, so he had to take care of her some of the time.  We hung up promising to keep in touch. (he is NOT a computer guy) so email isn't much of an option.
     If some of you reading this know me, you know I post often on Facebook. About my life, nothing about politics or religion, just life happens sort of things, pictures of my grandson, and pictures of my cats.  LOL  Well, just so happens that I posted something about my birthmother passing, me not knowing how to feel and that I found my brother and told him!  I was excited to find him.  I had no clue how his brother and sister-in-law had felt all those years he had been gone from everyone's life.
I was quite surprised to get an angry message from Karen, as she was a friend on Facebook.  I had not understood the hurt they had all felt when Art just cut off all communication with everyone.  They were left alone to take care of Liz in her time of need, with no way to even find Art, let alone have him help.  I was devastated, to say the least.  They were angry at me for finding him and angry at me for telling him about his mom.  I apologized and felt horrible that I had taken things in my own hands, but it was done and there was nothing I could do about it.  I was even more upset that I would maybe lose the small connection I had with Karen, and through her, my brother and my nieces. I said everything I could think of to her to apologize.  I hoped that she would reconsider her anger towards me and forgive me because I just had no clue. (sometimes I act out of idiocy)  I think she finally forgave me and we moved on.  Thank GOD!!
     Flash to April of 2017. Art called me one day and asked me a favor.  Pat really had wanted to do a DNA test and had noticed that 23andMe  was having a sale.  Art wanted to know if I could purchase a kit and send it to Pat for her birthday which was in May. He would send me a check to pay me back.  Sure I said, no problem!  I went on line and purchased one and had it sent.... but, that got me thinking, I REALLY would love to do a DNA test for myself and see if I would be able to find my birth father or at least some of his family since he was probably gone.  So I purchased one, spit in the vessel and sent it off!   I also started looking at Ancestry.  I had had a subscription years ago off and on doing a family tree for my adopted family.  Which was fine, but I started realizing that although it was interesting, none of the folks who I had never met were not MY blood.  I renewed my subscription and even signed up for the world wide portion to maybe trace my birth mother's side too.  I never had gotten much information at all from my brothers, and certainly not my birthmother.
So I waited for my DNA results.

     I think I got my results in about August of 2017. Not sure of exactly when.  I was pretty shocked again how my ethnicity panned out.

I knew the European but the Great Britain must have come from my birth father's side!  Then I saw the other, the one from the USA.

WOW!  Now that is really concentrated in one area!!  My birth father must have been from this area and all his relatives must have lived there all their lives!  Thus began my DNA search.