Adopted War Babe - part 10

I haven't written in a while because I am just on hold.  Waiting to see if the son of the man we THINK is my birth father is my half brother. If he is, then I am done with my search, if not, then I need to search some more.  It has been such fun searching, although very frustrating and confusing at times.  I wanted to let those folks know, that are still searching, to never give up.  Just when you least expect it something, or someone may pop up to give you insight into where you want to go.

I have been asked by several people close to me, mom, son, daughter and a couple others, why am I searching so hard.  Not sure HARD is the right word. Diligently might be more correct, not sure.  I would just like to know.  Once the DNA came back that my ancestors were so tightly knitted around the same area as opposed to my kids and husband being spread out, I wanted to know who the people were who grew up and stayed in the same area year after year after year.  Parents and grandparents and kids, none seemed to have left the area where they and their ancestors were raised.
Here is MY DNA from the USA:

This is my daughter's DNA from the USA: 

This is my son's DNA from the USA (different father than my daughter)

My son's even managed to migrate to California!   

Do you see what I mean?  My ancestors on my father's side are all so concentrated in the same area even compared to my kids, who have the same ancestors as me on MY side.  Wouldn't this sort of result make anyone curious as to wanting to know the kind of folks who stay near to their families as this?  They certainly believe in extended family!!  I am pretty sure they grew up very closely with cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents always near.  

Adopted War Babe - part 9

I have lots of emotions running through my head today.  I feel so grateful for my life and how I was brought up.  Not that it would have been better or worse if I had not been adopted, it just would have been different. I think my parents tried to bring me up to be refined. Not uppity, or spoiled, but I have toured Europe, seen castles, eaten at fine restaurants, and taught the right silverware, glasses and wines to go with a meal (not that I use any of that, I am much more of a simple person!!  Paper plates and plastic silverware and glasses are fine by me!!)  We were not rich, not by any means, but my parents were just so frugal and sensible with everything. Neither of them finished college but both had some college. I guess being a military family, there was just a right way to do everything. From setting a table, to keeping things neat and clean around the house.

My birth mother was from a local farm around the Army base.  She had to quit school in the seventh grade in order to work on the farm because her father and brothers had gone off to war and all the women had to take over on the farm. If she had kept me, and stayed in Germany, would I have been brought up on her farm?  I don't know since she ended up with another child just two years later and kept him, my half brother, Art (Bob to his family), and then she married her youngest child's father, Russ, five years later, and moved to the United States.

Which brings up another point in my mind. She married a man named Russell, Russ to his family.  My birth father's name (well, my suspected birth father at this point) was also Russell, known as Russ to his family as well.  She told me, and apparently her family after I barged into her life, that she could not remember his name.  I am so sure she would have remembered his name if it had been the same as her husband!  Am I right?  So, either she didn't want me to find him (which looks like the truth regardless) or it isn't this suspected Russ after all.

Which brings me to my birth father's family. I am so very overwhelmed at the multiple responses I have gotten from the family so far!  It is a bit surreal and at times, well, overwhelming seems to be the word of the day.  I have video chatted with an uncle, (use Marco Polo... it is AWESOME!!

and messaged daily with at least three first cousins and a half-brother at this point!  All are excited and hoping that I am Russ's daughter.  I have even connected with other various 3rd, 4th etc cousins since then as well.  I KNOW that all adoption stories do not turn out this way, but mine seems to be. As I have said, we are waiting on the Ancestry test of the suspected half-brother at this point to prove our suspicions.  We are all so sure it will prove to be true.  However, I guess I try to not have expectations.  I have learned the hard way in my life, that expectations are only premeditated resentments.  That's become my motto. I can hope for things, plan for things in case, but I have learned to NOT expect things to go a certain way, or for a person to act a certain way.  It just isn't worth it if something or something disappoints you. Maybe that is why I am so easy going, because when things happen I just deal with them as they are, not as I would like for them to be.  Makes sense to me anyway.

If I had been brought to the states with my suspected birth father, Russ, things, I am learning, would have been quite different for me.  Like I said, not better or worse, just different.  I would have more than likely been brought up in some very small towns where everyone knew everyone.  I would have had a huge extended family, which by the way is awesome!  I would have been in a family that liked jokes and lots of laughter, which was quite a bit different for me, since I was an only child and often told I was too easily amused!  (I guess I laughed at times they thought were inappropriate?, not sure)
We always had to travel either across the ocean or across the country to see the few relatives that I did grow up with (Mom had one sister, and Dad had one sister and one brother). Where as if I had been with the birth family, there would be so many cousins and aunts and uncles, and you only had to walk to someone's house to see them for the most part!

Again, I am not saying one is better or worse than the other, just different.  I love my life as it is, and sometimes, I think I have a good story to tell!

Adopted War Babe - Part 8

So, I ended with a name. The reason I ended part 7 with a name is because after talking with Patrick's mom, Robin, on Facebook Messenger, she said that since I seemed to look so much like her cousin, Vicki, I had to be part of that branch of the Tackett family. So she showed me a picture of her and then I tried to mimic her expression on the picture.  Then we put my picture and hers next to one another.  Here is the picture:

 I guess you can use your own judgement as to whether we look alike, but I can sure see it!

Now I was getting excited!  Robin said that one of her dad's sisters was the woman who had showed up as my Great Aunt! Then she sent me the picture of her, and it for sure was the same person who had DNA tested as my Great Aunt. Robin then said she was going to text her Uncle Rick. This again begun a flurry of activity!  I suddenly was texting on Facebook messenger with two people at once! Both of them were Tacketts!  (all because of you dear Patrick!)  Uncle Rick was Robin's uncle, but he could possibly be my uncle as well, since Patrick was my second cousin and that would mean his mom was my first cousin. Robin said that she was texting with her uncle and he had said that Russ, my possibly BF, had been in the Army and had been in Germany for a time. He had two sons. She was talking to one of them and he was willing to test!  OMG!!  I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up as I know that this doesn't always prove to be correct, but it just seemed that everything was pointing in the right direction.

I ended up sending a kit to Tim, Russ's son for him to test for me to see if he showed up as my half-brother.  If not, then I am so sure I am in the right family tree, as proven by DNA.  I have developed a relationship with my "uncle rick", who by the way is younger than me. (haha that is so strange but it happens)  We talk now on Marco Polo, a SUPER app for any phone like a video chat but you can watch it over and over or miss one and go back to it. Download it if you don't have it, it's AWESOME!!

So now we wait.  Waiting is hard.   I know that the kit has been sent, but I also know that many were purchased over the holidays because of the reduction in price, so who knows how long it will take.  Hopefully, Ancestry has hired more DNA results testers (or whatever they are called) and it will only be the 6-8 weeks they usually take. I continue to talk and text with Uncle Rick to get to know the family, and them me.  They are actually hoping it is true and are excited as I am, which seems like a miracle to me, really.

Now some of my feelings, thoughts on this DNA testing.
I am reading so much about heartbreak from all the secrets that were kept in the past. I feel so badly for people who have to keep secrets, because it for sure eats away at them from the inside, doesn't it? I feel for my birth mother who kept more than me a secret from her family, her kids, her friends. I mean, life happens, right? Isn't is always best to be honest, especially with those folks you love?  If they quit loving you because of some mistakes and poor life choices from the past, then they aren't really someone who loves you in my opinion.  I found this on Facebook this week and I want to repost it here because I believe it with all my heart:

Another thing I am thinking. Why would anyone who is adopted and had a good life, want to give up their adopted relatives for the blood relatives?  I don't really think that would happen, at least not to me.  My mom is still my mom, my cousins are still my cousins and I still love them more and more each day. I guess I could understand if someone had a really bad experience with adoptive parents, like abuse or something, but I just don't believe that happens often at all. (am I naive?) I think that to adopt a child you have to want that person so desperately in your life, so much more than many children that are born to blood parents, and that just has to be a great thing.

Another thought, what do people WANT when they find a blood relative using DNA?  I guess there are many reasons. Mine is certainly to get to know my roots, where do my genes come from?  Do I have any traits that my blood relatives had or have?  I have always ALWAYS been interested in heredity vs environment, even before I knew I was adopted.  It fascinates me what has the most impact on a life.  I have heard and read about identical twins that were separated at birth being brought up completely differently but once found have hundreds of similarities.  Perhaps that is because they were identical?  What about full brothers and sisters?  Has that resulted in the same findings?

So, what do I want from my DNA relatives?  I want to know them.  I want to know what my BF was like.  I of course want medical information, which I have been told much of it already.  I don't know if I can have a sister relationship with any of my half-brothers, mainly because I have no CLUE what that type of relationship entails!!  I don't want money, I don't want inheritance, I don't want any of that that would go with family, I have that with my family here. It's all I need.  I DO want to be remembered, I DO want to be cared for, just because I am blood.

WHAT IS ONE MORE PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO CARES FOR YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE BLOOD??   I just don't get it when people reject.

Hope to have a part 10, conclusion with this journey as soon as DNA results are back.