Adopted War Babe - part 13 MUSINGS

I have been "talking" with my Uncle Rick, my half-brother Tim, and several awesome cousins, (talking as in communicating through Facebook and Marco Polo) I am so very lucky to have people from my birth family that are so accepting of me. I have read many stories of adoptees and also birth mothers who gave up children. So I have some thoughts.

I know that all of us who have been adopted feel that we have the right to find our birth families and speak to them about what our BM and BF were like, who we look like and all that.  I guess we do in a way have a right to do that, however, I have read and heard and experienced the pain and heartache that a person "finding" their birth family can cause.  When you insert yourself into a family situation you never know how their family dynamics may have been to begin with. You also experience a birth parent or sibling or whomever as how they react to you.  This may be out of fear, or guilt or shock. This is not how the person is in "real life" for the most part, and their reaction may guide our reaction.  (does that make sense?) 

To make my point, maybe the best thing to not hurt people and families could be to have open adoptions at all times.  That way, there would be no "sudden" revelations of a child or parent or sibling. I am also reading that many many children that have been the result of a sperm bank donation have been finding their birth fathers.  Wow!  Now that must be a shocker to the men!  Usually it was college kids who needed extra money.  Some, dare I say most, of them not giving a second thought to the fact that their extra spending cash might someday result in a child finding them!  I have also seen a few men who DID consider what they were doing and that someday a child might be searching for them. 

Now that DNA can draw a straight and true path to each of these subjects, many many families have been both torn apart and brought together.  I am not sure I would have done my search any differently, because of that PULL that we all feel (well I think most of us) to find our roots, to find who we look like!  However, I think, knowing what I know now, I for sure would have given more thought of HOW I might approach some things. I am not going to go into any detail about this, because I truly do not want to hurt anyone, and it was never my intention to do so. I am going to repeat that I had the most AWESOME adoptive family, and never in a million years wanted to find another mother or father or sibling.  I just wanted to know who they are or were, to see if I inherited things from them. I also wanted to know the medical information.  I filled out a recent medical form and you do not know how good it felt to say that YES, some of my family HAS had osteoarthritis and yes some have had rheumatoid arthritis!  I know that sounds weird, but it is so true.  I could smile and know it is true!  No more crossing that section out and saying NA!!

I am going to keep going with this blog, because I am trying to plan to go to Kentucky to see all of the people whose blood is in me.  I want to take pictures and blog about the feelings.  It is exciting just to be planning the trip.  I hope that we can save enough money to go there for several days.
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